Coming to a close

Summer is finally rearing it’s head.

Has been a very nice sunny day today.  Would have been great to have gotten out and about a little more and it is disappointing to not have been able to enjoy it to the maximum.  Would have loved to have gone to the Cuban Music festival, weather turned out great for it, but alas I was not invited.  Maybe next time.

Anyway, work tomorrow.  Just need to grind the week out and then I have a few days off north of the border.  Hopefully it will be the recharge I need for the rest of the year.

Will plan for a camping trip and some time out bush with the boys.  Maybe it is time for that fishing rod too.  Life is too short to be unhappy, just need to get out there and do things for myself.

A crazy year to date…

The year has be an absolute roller coaster ride so far.

What I would not give for some normalcy, but then again what is normal right?

Let’s see the remainder of the year through and hope for some semblance of stability and routine restored. I am generally a huge winter person, as I am much better suited to the cold climate and love the rainy, windy days, this year however I am very much looking forward to the sun and warmth.  Just something to signal a change.  To come home and have some sun light, chuck on a pair of shorts and enjoy the warm air.  I am sure I will probably be b!tching and moaning when summer does roll around and I am sweaty, hot and irritable, but for now I find myself yearning for this.

One of these would also be lovely too…

Or if I had loads of $$$… I won’t even be picky on colour!

Where is the line between compromise and being compromised?

It is sad that in life, the truth of the world inevitably reshape the perfect ideals that you had always clung to.

Perhaps it is wrong to cling so tightly, but what else remains when you compromise on the fundamentals? Or is what you wish for in your heart of hearts wrong? Are your ideals nothing but naive dreams? or selfish rationalisation?

Maybe in the end it is as simple as not clutching so tightly, even if letting go exposes all your vulnerabilities. All life is suffering afterall, right?

Is the lesson to be found in seeking the strength to let your ideals go and allow life to unravel as it will?

If so, do you even struggle and paddle when the reality is that the river will chart its own course? What if you can see a fork in the river? Do you try to steer? Can you steer?

…and who do you become when you no longer hold to what you believe in?

How do you know if something is a virtuous belief, a character defining behaviour or an irrational clinging?

Understanding life is like grasping at straws…

Into the blue..

Into the blue
And faded world of my daydreams
I feel I’m falling deeper everyday
Melting away down a dark and endless abyss
I’m grasping at straws and I’m chasing the wind
As I fall on my face over and over again

- Sara Jackson-Holman

Contradictions

A mind cluttered red

A face pierces the dark veil

All washes away

*Deep breath*

Focus…

Face the challenge.

Consider the scenario.

Choose an option.

Be deliberate.

Be insistent.

Improve.

Just beautiful…

This feels raw, emotional and is just a beautiful website sharing a touching tale.

On to other happenings from the last month or so.

Things have just been chugging along. Wedding plans are getting sorted out slowly but surely, I am getting closer and closer to professional qualification time and I am now two months into my BJJ training and am loving it!!! I get pummelled by just about everyone as they are more experienced, more skilled and much bigger and stronger! I guess I just need to get smarter and more efficient! The upside is that since I’m basically trying to lift and maneuver myself under 80-120kg training partners I am getting considerably fitter and a little stronger too. Can’t wait to get back to boxing to round off the training some more.

House hunting is on the horizon too, so I anticipate some weekends being chewed up with inspections towards the end of this year & the start of next year. Prices at the moment are crazy still, so we’ll take our time to find something that suits us. It is exciting to think about having our own home though.

and… I have also been going through the photos from our Nepal trip, and am itching to lock away our next adventure. So time to get back to doing the 1k steps and day walks.

So much to do, so little time…

*sigh*

and growing up is so expensive!!

Oh congrats to Amph for pushing through the altitude issues and making it to the top of Mt Fuji!! YAY!!! and home in 2 weeks!!! DOUBLE YAY!!!

Not a bad two weeks..

Well the last two weeks have been a ‘growing’ two weeks.

Work is busy so I have had to put in the hours, but it feels like there has been progress made and my understanding is improving which is good for the confidence.

BJJ training is also progressing well. Having only trained for maybe just over a month I feel like I am recognising the danger signs and it is taking longer for me to be swept or tapped out. Undoubtedly I am still being schooled by everyone at training, but it is great being able to feel the progress. Also, the training schedule at BJJ has changed which equates to potentially more training sessions that I will be able to make it to! I hope to get a long to some no-gi sessions and when I get more experience I would like to get along to the MMA sessions too.

Boxing has suffered a little as my routine has been interrupted, but I also have had some good tips from one of the pros in the gym on improving my footwork.

To top it all off we had an enjoyable trip to Sydney where we attended a concert and relaxed for a weekend.

So I am tired but feeling good generally. Hopefully I can keep things on the up and continue to build the confidence in all the different facets of life.

Regrets..

Wow!!

Two post in one day!

Anyway, I was having a discussion with N the Pirate and I expressed some regret in the way my martial arts journey has gone to date.

The lapse over the last 4-5 years, although in my mind being justified, makes me wonder where I would be if I had continued training and juggled the other aspects of life at the same time. Knowing my tendency to be deeply absorbed in my training and train as often as possible, it was probably a good idea for me to focus on studies instead of allowing myself to be distracted by training, but if I had continued training in anything be it being more serious with my Kung-Fu, or continuing in Iaido I would have somewhere in the range of 8-9 years of training under my belt. Even had I started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu at that time, I would have had 4 or 5 years under my belt there too.

I could be really progressing along reasonably well… I could maybe be monstering people on the mat… *sigh*

To quote Brando, “I coulda had class… I coulda been a contender, instead of a bum, which is what I am – let’s face it.”

Well, maybe that’s a little melodramatic.. hehehe…

Anyway, I wonder if I have wasted the time and opportunity. Maybe I should have continued and just had the mental fortitude to know where to draw the line between study and training?

I guess we’ll never know, unless Amph builds that damn time machine.

Almost half way..

Well we’re coming to the half way point in 2009 and what has happened and what have I achieved?

My plans for improving my Chinese language skills have not come to fruition, but I do have another 6 mths to remedy that.

Wedding plans are progressing slowly with a venue and Cheazles’ dress sorted and now invites, photographer and perhaps cars to come.

My health and fitness regime has been promising and my big paunch is now a little paunch.

I am now a white belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and my boxing skills are improving.

Work is picking up speed and is beginning to consume all of my time and towards the end of the year I’ll be looking to get my professional qualification which is a little scary!

The Lakers are one win away from winning the NBA Championship for this season!

Rubinho is home and keeping me entertained!

The second half of 2009, what is to come and what do I hope to achieve?

I hope to improve my Chinese (fingers crossed that I get off my lazy buttocks).

Cheazles, myself and our wedding team organise and lock in all the rest of the wedding details.

My exercise regime yields the following result:

My BJJ mongness progresses to less mongness and that I can jump in the ring and spar at boxing.

I get my professional qualification.

The Lakers win the Championship!

and

I eagerly await the return of Amph!!!  Woot!!!

I hope 2009 has been treating everyone well and that things are progressing as you desire and the remainder of the year yields the fruit of all the good things you have been working towards.